There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
