WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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