i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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