It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
