Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
