I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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