what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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