by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
