I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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