I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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