Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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