found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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