My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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