singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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