She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
