What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
