sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
