So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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