Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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