when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
