He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
