i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
