I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
