Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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