so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
