just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
