Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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