a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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