im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
