I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
