we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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