i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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