if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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