He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
