I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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