If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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