Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
