ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
