he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
