Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
