there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize