If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
