I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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