So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
