Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
