last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
