Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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