we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
