i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This is classic penis vs brain.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
