My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
