And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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