everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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