she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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