I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
