i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize