No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
