Will you blow on my dice?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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