Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
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