I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
