i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize