11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
