It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
