If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
