how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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