Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
