well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
