my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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