Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
