I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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