My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
