Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
