i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
